No bullshit

In a relationship, you need someone who will call you out, call you on your bullshit, call you on your delusions and denials; not someone who will let it slide – accepting, enabling, tacitly approving your misguidedness and malfunctioning.

You need someone who would rather not live without you, but could, can, will, if need be; not someone who is dependent on you, reliant on you; someone whose strengths are your weaknesses, just as his or her weaknesses are your strengths.

Between you, there should be no right and wrong, really, no good and bad, no winners and losers. Instead, balance and harmony, caring and cooperation, should prevail. When all is said and done, love is needs-anticipated, needs-met. Create the expectation of such. When freedom vies for dominance with responsibility, please, first, the one you love, before you please yourself.

Hurt has no excuse. Do not hurt the one you love. Do not do it. If you do, even unintentionally, even by accident, even through misperception, even through misunderstanding, you – yes, you – must – now, without reluctance or hesitation – turn it around. A hug is a good start – a full, lingering, whole-hearted embrace, followed by an apology, followed by an expression of regret at the event, or word, or tone, or behaviour that caused the hurt. Sincerity is proven not in a promise never to make that mistake again, but in not making that mistake again, that is, in altering one’s behaviour to ensure that it does not happen again. The proof is in the demonstration of a change of heart, of habit, of motivation. When this has occurred, it cannot be denied.

Freedom is very often just a guise to sulking, to self-pity, to the simple admission that you miss someone, because you did some shit that you are ashamed of, but you are too much of a fucking coward to admit it.

Cease, to begin anew. Get clean. Come clean. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Boldly love the one you love. As in everything else, there are only mediocrity and obsession.