The least of virtues

First and foremost, loyalty is the least of virtues; displayed, usually, only when betrayal has already occurred. Loyalty aside, if friendship is not based on the honest portrayal of the reality that the friend acknowledges, upon what, then, would you have it based? His or her reality may be different from yours, but, however much it differs from yours, it is no less valid than yours. Of course, he or she could withhold his or her opinion, or alter it to flatter you. I believe that interest, fascination, infatuation, obsession, love…happiness…all lie in mystery rather than identity. Then there is the question of freedom versus responsibility. Did the context of your friendship grant that friend the presumption of freedom of expression vis-á-vis you, or was there, rather, in you, anyway, the presumption of responsibility – for your feelings? Misunderstanding that causes hurt may, both parties willing, be clarified, rectified. Hurt, to hurt, unguarded, with no misjudgement, no misinterpretation, no misreading possible, is, in my opinion, unforgivable.

Forgiveness for misunderstanding, misguidedness grants change. Anyone who hurts only to see you writhe in pain is beyond, beneath any benefit that might be derived from grace.

Love is needs-met. What does her or she do for you? What do you do for him or her? Reciprocation is seldom motivation. We often give simply because it feels good to do so. Resentment occurs when reciprocity is expected. Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the intended victim to die. Without expectation, there may be no disappointment, but there may still be desire, the desire for something, anything pleasant, or of value, or comforting, to anticipate.