If you want something you have never had,

you must do something you have never done.

Remember who loved you despite and still.

Despite how fucked up you were; though

unworthy of that love at the time, unable

to love in return. Despite and still, that love

may very well have saved your life – that you

might love one day, that you may love today.

I dream. Sometimes it is the easiest thing to do,

the surest thing to do, the truest thing to do.

Pain is a sensation, a feeling, confirming existence.

Fear is an emotion, the mind’s fabrication,

feeling, counterfeited. The mind has a way

to handle pain – accepting, enveloping, braving.

The bravest thing I ever did was to continue

to live when I wanted to die. How long is forever?

Sometimes, just one second. Sometimes, the

interval between seconds. Sometimes, never.

Sometimes, always. Proudly, I used to say,

‘Nothing holds me.’ In pulling always away,

though, I tore myself to shreds. Having

chosen to be now, not then, I realise that

only in this is there power – to remain.