If you want something you have never had,
you must do something you have never done.
Remember who loved you despite and still.
Despite how fucked up you were; though
unworthy of that love at the time, unable
to love in return. Despite and still, that love
may very well have saved your life – that you
might love one day, that you may love today.
I dream. Sometimes it is the easiest thing to do,
the surest thing to do, the truest thing to do.
Pain is a sensation, a feeling, confirming existence.
Fear is an emotion, the mind’s fabrication,
feeling, counterfeited. The mind has a way
to handle pain – accepting, enveloping, braving.
The bravest thing I ever did was to continue
to live when I wanted to die. How long is forever?
Sometimes, just one second. Sometimes, the
interval between seconds. Sometimes, never.
Sometimes, always. Proudly, I used to say,
‘Nothing holds me.’ In pulling always away,
though, I tore myself to shreds. Having
chosen to be now, not then, I realise that
only in this is there power – to remain.