You are allowed to leave, to turn and to walk away, never to look back. If it is that bad, if it hurts that much, if there is no redemption possible, no reconciliation possible, it is okay to leave.
You are allowed to withdraw from abusive people and places, to depart from unwholesome people and places, to escape another betrayal, another deception.
You are allowed to say ‘no’ without explaining why. Say ‘fuck, no’; it is okay. You are allowed to quit something you detest. You need not offer an excuse. Break a promise, break a contract; you cannot be held captive to something you despise.
You are allowed to start over. Starting over does not necessarily mean that you have failed. If you did, you are free to try again, and again, and again. But, maybe, you are starting over simply because to want a better start. That, too, is fair.
You will never have any real, legitimate power or control over anything else, or anyone else. Only your choices are within your command.
You are allowed to make you own choices.
You did not claim the family or the country into which you were born. Forsaken by that family or that country, you need not persevere in any contrivance of affection for those persons, that place. Summon the courage to leave. Return to the people who share that blood that is yours, but that you have never known. They dwell in your heart, and you in theirs, though you have never met. And that land of your dreams, known by your senses if not by your mind? It is your real home. Any freedom, fettered to or by a greater freedom – imagined, eventual, bounded by fear – is not a freedom. Choose to be now or then. Nothing begins ’til you get there.
Never let it be said, I was untrue. I never found a home inside of you.
Cease, to begin anew.